You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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