I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think i got beer on your cat.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
