Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
