I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
