come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Randomize
