I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
