i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
