Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
