I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
