I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I will pee on everything he values.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
