I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
