Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
