Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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