so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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