They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
