I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
