i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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