It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
