I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
