It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
