Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
