Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
