just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
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It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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