so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
