So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
