my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Are we still banned from the library?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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