We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
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