You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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