i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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