we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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