i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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