The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
