The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
