Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
