Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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