weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
