Where are you?
In a non slutty way
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
