i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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