get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
