Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
