Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
