I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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