I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Two words: blizzard sex
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
