Well douche your snatch and let's go!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
