Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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