it was like his penis was on wheels.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
