i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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