yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
