we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
