I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
