Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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