I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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