pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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