dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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