Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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