So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You're like the curious george of whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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