Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
