Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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