remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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