how can u be prego again
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
