Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
