So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
