People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
