So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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