: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
