I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
