im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
