Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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