The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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