Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
