erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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