I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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