I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
