I need help removing her.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
