I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
what is it with giant penises always finding me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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